I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
