I'm drive I can fine osifer
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
