tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
