in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize