Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
