Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
