my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
