You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
