Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
