you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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