Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
