I can tuck mytits in my pants
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
