Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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