I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
