I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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