I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
