You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
