We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize