I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
