also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
