why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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