Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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