The brown eye won't let me do that either.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
