Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
