everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
