I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Found your dick twin last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
