Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
