Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need a beard to bite.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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