She's JV to your varsity
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
