i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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