he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
