she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
