Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
