So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
