Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
