Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
