Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
