so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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