Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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