well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
