Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
