you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
