My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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