We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
