he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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