Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
