the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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