Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
