Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
