Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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