We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
