I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i will never coherently bang her
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
