I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
