I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
