You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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