Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
