She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
