why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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