i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
