Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
