The maid of honor just puked.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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