batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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