So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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