White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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