You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had to cum in my sink.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
