Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
