One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
