The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
