fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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