Acid is not a monday night drug
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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