relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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