Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
