i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think my fart just growled at me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
