chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
