just come out here and I will go home with you...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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