my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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