I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
