Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
