How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
