She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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