What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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