I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
