All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
