Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
