why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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