I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
