I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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