Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize